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I said this day would eventually come.

Journal Entry: Thu Dec 6, 2012, 7:23 PM
  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: The Roots - TheOtherSide
When I joined DA in 2002, I always knew this day would eventually happen, and a decade later - here I am.   I considered simply going without explanation, but didn't want to leave any outstanding questions; further I still have a fondness for what this website used to be, the myriad of people that I spent time with here, and the wealth of creativity it contained. Besides, you guys know how much I like to talk.

Several weeks ago when some teenage schoolchild made it his personal crusade to educate me that comments such as "I like it" passes for a critique, I knew it was getting closer time to leave this place.  When my dear friend `fangedfem popped her head out with her latest journal, it was a bittersweet reminder of how much soul this website has lost, never to be regained again.  Before I get to all of that, I simply wanted to express my gratitude and appreciation to you all.  

Ten years ago, I was in graduate school struggling with my physical health and confidence, unsure where my life was going.  I was introduced to DeviantART by ~akyra, ~syncretism, ~dissolvegirl, and ~undisclosed all whom I had known for years before.  These friends of mine loved to take photographs and after several months lurking on their pages, finally became a member.  Not sure anyone could've predicted the general upward trajectory my life would assume for the next decade.

I always believed in doing the best you can and you'll attract the right people.  One by one, deviants started watching me and commenting on my work and I'd return the favor.  I began to submit text I wrote in college.  I knew little about photography and submitted digital photos I captured with a 4 megapixel point-and-shoot.  I experimented with Photoshop and photomanipulations, then proceeded to turn Valentine's Day into a worldwide personal crusade of sheer angst.  It was so awesome encountering so many genuine individuals, variety of interests, and wide scope of talents.  Within a few months, my literature submissions became very popular and regularly featured on DA's front page.  When I submitted the "Guide" in 2004, !onestar actually called me that morning at work telling me I needed to log on and see what I started (I wound up getting this call a few times.  Kitty.).  You couldn't beat the smart and humorous banter on display throughout this website.  There was a warmth and soul to this site that in which °jark was the heart.

As friendships here grew and matured, so did my creativity.  Having earned a Master's degree in architecture after many hard-fought years in design school, I never considered limiting myself to DeviantART.  With 8 dollars to my name, I was hired the day after I graduated by an architectural practice that allowed me to flourish as a professional designer.  I got to travel nationwide and see my designs become built reality.  While splitting residency between Georgia and North Carolina, my snapshots caught the attention of a couple master photographers in both states.  They encouraged me to share my photos, to which I was surprised at the welcome response.  In what seems like a whirlwind of time, I became a displaying, award-winning, published photographer.  My photography and writing style caught the attention of an editor in the region and she hired me to become a regular contributing writer to her published magazine.  Today, with a reputation for photography, writing and architecture, I'm fortunate to run my own business and am currently laying the groundwork for my second company.  

During all this, I remained on DA through all the ups and downs.  I encountered a few bad apples with twisted agenda but the truly great people I met here and wonderful things I've been part of far outshine any negative experiences.  I'm overwhelmed at how you've all accepted me and am better for having met so many of you over the last decade.  I got to see ~ProsePetals and !rwirtz tie the knot and see their children sprout.  Flew out to see !onestar get married to finally - the woman that is perfect for him.  `bookdiva treating our entire clique, including the likes of ~highpriestess and I  as she would her own children.  Seen teenagers like `Zlatty, ~UrbanCinderella, ~justb, `newklear, and `triptychr grow up to become full-fledged, responsible, interacting...adults.  Watched the lives of ~whohaugh and !KBHennessee forever transformed by their beautiful children.  Observed the creative talents of ~shebadapuddytat, ~olkie, and ~Glory-Of-Valor take off early in their lives and watched with amazement established pros like `Laurazee, *MichaelVogt,and ~TRBPhotographyLLC.  Seen ~jl write right.  Bounced ideas off of ~escapism and `anjules as we all figure out this professional photography thing and adopted ~althepal99 as a mentor against his will ;).  I try to see `fangedfem everytime I travel up the East Coast.  Talked life and architecture in Dallas with ~avadon, walked Charleston with !chilipalmer and !bluemuse, visited Washington DC with ~JamesBardolph, explored Durango with `jerryhazard, and met ~draco490 and his wife after they moved into town. *simba and I still have to sneak down to South Carolina and steal the conferedate flag from the state capitol.  `imogene, ~allenjmiller, `freezejeans, =mskate, `limnersphere, ~p0m ,~ANGEL-2004,  *centrifuge, ~triggerfinger, ~FreakingMuse, ~PinkdreamPhotography, !markramstead, ~donalbain, ~J-Mac, ~NadavDov, ~johnwarren, all have added to my life in one way or another. Hell, there are people I talk with whom I've forgot their usernames ages ago that aren't listed and deviants from yesteryear that I never kept in touch with but wonder how they're doing.  Even the folks I only know on DA and admire their creativity such as ~icarus-ica, ~welder, and `getcarter have been true joys to watch evolve.  If I haven't listed you, it's not my intention to omit you, but there are so many people I've been blessed to know I didn't recognize just how many until I began assembling this journal.

I realize I'm waxing old and nostalgic, but I truly am grateful for everything and everyone because I wouldn't be currently doing what I do today if I didn't discover this website.  As many deviants I came to know left, our friendships have blossomed well past DA and are sure to last a lifetime.  I got to witness so many writers, bloggers, designers, photographers, and artists evolve in front of my very eyes to become real world successes.  To all of you reading this - my friends, the artists that I've followed, and the many who have watched me over the last 10 years - from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU SO MUCH for EVERYTHING.

Yeah, this place is huge now, I'm sure it makes a ton of money, but it's a hollow shell of what it used to be for me.  I tip my hat to °jark for keeping the heart that beat behind this place alive as long as he reasonably could; it's never been the same since his abrupt outing.  It would be egotistical to say I've grown beyond DA, but this place has nothing for me anymore, nor I to it.  All in all, I can truthfully say while I was here that I did it my way.  I am - and always have been - exactly the person you see here on DA.  I never felt the need to impress anyone, didn't compromise who I was,  my core beliefs, the creative work I shared, or words I had to offer.  I never had to hide or pretend to be someone I wasn't.  I regret nothing I've ever posted here because I took the time to think about it when I said them, so that they would ring just as true today as they did when I first uttered them.  That's the way I try to live my life no matter how tough the slog is.  Sometimes I fall short, but the majority of time it works out just fine.  

I will not be deactivating this account (yet) for legal and archival reasons I'll not delve into here, and will need access to this account if something weird arises.  I'll still log in to lurk but make no mistake, I'm done here.  I left ten submissions in my gallery and perhaps someday I'll be able to freely deactivate.

Until then, some final words of advice on DeviantART and beyond: Fuck your popularity, your pageviews, your favorites, and your DDs.  I've had them all to great extent and trust me, they never meant much.  Even the real world popularity I've had and currently experience is fleeting in nature.  DeviantART is not the real art world and hopefully most of you are savvy enough to know that by now. That's not to say there's a complete disassociation with art or to ignore the great talents that still remain here, but you need to consider this place with a massive grain of salt.  The internet has become littered with cloned art, devoid of meaning, stripped of individual style, lack of critique and this website has unfortunately become the epitome of that.  Whether you succeed or fail, take your own path.  Stop being sheep - or llamas - whatever that stupid thing is.  Follow your own path, push your art - and push yourself - change in the direction you need to go, and not anyone else.  During your journey, throw your ego out the window and seek as much criticism as possible.  Never settle for where you are right now and continue to hone your craft.  If you can help it, avoid fake, pretentious people as much as you can.  Loyalty is an undervalued commodity in today's fickle world.  Stand your ground and stay true to what you believe is right and ethical, no matter  the challenges to you - have faith it'll work and that people are generally smart enough and GOOD enough to figure it out in the end.  Just focus on growing with those around you and doing the best you can with what you have.  Do good and do good work.

That's it.  Hey, it was a good time - much love to you all.

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To sum up 2012 so far:

Journal Entry: Wed Apr 18, 2012, 8:50 PM
  • Mood: Hysterical
  • Listening to: The Roots - Kool On
Some days you're the bug, others the windshield. Then some days you're in Rambo camouflage and face paint angrily waving a flyswatter.


And THAT pretty much sums up what in only four months has already amounted to the most frenetic, successful year of my life.   I'm still uncertain where this thing is really headed but it's been a huge ride so far.

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Favwatch Photography 15-1 v8.5

Journal Entry: Sun Oct 9, 2011, 2:53 PM
  • Mood: Insulted
  • Listening to: Words I Never Said - Lupe Fiasco
FAVWATCH PHOTOGRAPHY 15-1 Last updated: March 27, 2012 (1 new overall)

The very last final favwatch, I'm sure a lot of you are glad it's over. ;)  You can find all of these art pieces in my Favwatch collection.  You can find the complete listing of Favwatches in the shoutboard of my journal.We'll do this again next year. :nod:


15. Mesa Arch Sunrise by ~Nate-Zeman
Best photo of the arches in Utah I've seen so far.  What a dazzling, breath-taking scene!

14.Can See the Music by ~S-t-r-a-n-g-e
Rare that I recommend anything for a DD so I'm glad this one made it.  


13. Talking to Shadows by `hesitation
I always admired Hesi's ability to create cohesiveness out of complex environments.  In this photograph, her technical expertise and clear grasp of craft shines through.

15 14 13

12. Shadows and Movement 15 by *kierrathorn
What a great piece of moving night photography.  She's got several like this in her gallery and this was by far my fav.

11. Wuzhen by `foureyes This urban night scene is now officially my favorite `foureyes masterpiece.  It really IS hard to not simply drool at everything Bernie submits.

10. American Dream by ~vinnymack
Poverty and pride.  Candid America.

12 11 10  

9. DP6 – Jerryhazard by `jerryhazard
In my humble opinion, Jerry's the most multi-talented cat on DeviantART.  This is an incredible multiple AND long-exposure.  We see the movement of the fan, the super-saturated light drowning the objects that it silhouettes.  The silhouettes themselves are incredibly ephemeral in nature, contrasting the more tangible emotive gestures in the foreground.  Fucking kickass.

8. Star Gazing by `achfoo
This is just precious and would make anyone smile – if you're unable to smile when looking at this photograph, there's something really wrong with you.  It really captures the charm of innocence, carefree nature, and even the tender fragility that is childhood.

7. Pret-A-Porter by ~DalaiHarma
Huh huh…yeah.  No, but seriously – this is splendidly executed with the light, reflections and…I forgot what I was typing.  Moving on…

9 8 7

6. The omen – Requiem aeternaa by ~gridlockd
He's been featured a few times in the favwatch, but this is certainly the best by Gridlockd.  The power of numbers reads clearly here, as the great collection of crosses pepper what is presented as a turbulent sky.  The religious symbolism seems to make for an eerie and moody setting.

5.  Sweeping Sky by *wb-skinner
John's cranked out some good ones and this is now  my favorite rural photograph on DA.  

4. Passage by *wb-skinner

def. Passage (n.) – Must full view for details.  My favorite framed composition I've discovered on DeviantART.

6 5 4

3. The Beach at Arromanches by ~photogeekboy
If there's a photograph that I think makes time stands still, this is it.  I think the reason this capture seems frozen in time has much to do with the barren nature of this scene, the child looking back towards the water, the presentation of the crab, child, and distance beyond in limited canvas that is the photograph itself, not to mention the description of the photo itself.

2. Diary 006 by `imogene

Lani's growth as a photographer has far outpaced anyone I've met on DeviantART in the last few years.  Her talent in invoking the concept of memory is stunning.  I'm floored with how good she's gotten and I love her to death.

1. Light From Above by ~Ian-Plant

Wow.  The standout from a standout photographer.

3 2

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Favwatch Photography 30-16 v8.5

Journal Entry: Tue Oct 4, 2011, 10:09 AM
  • Mood: Nervous
  • Listening to: Terrorist - RZA
FAVWATCH PHOTOGRAPHY 30-16 Last updated: March 27, 2012 (1 new overall)

You can find all of these art pieces in my Favwatch collection.  You can find the complete listing of Favwatches in the shoutboard of my journal.

30.  Moonlit by ~steampoweredk9
Night shots are difficult.  Panoramics are difficult.  Combining them together is quite a feat, yet Sam has been able to do it several times.  He has a stunning, undervisited gallery with the urban and country landscape of Australia.

29. Eye of the Storm by `jerryhazard
Seriously serene.  

28. Disturbing Serenity by ~gridlockd
Gridlockd's early submissions to DeviantART are awesome and he's all over this favwatch.  His "Requiem aeternaa" series with ~caio is a great overall series of submissions.  I think if you check it out, you'll see why.

30 29 28


27. Portal by ~billysphoto
Upon introduction to Billy's work, I instantly fell in love with his photography.  From water scenics to rural to urban/indstrial, his work covers a good spectrum.  However, it was this inventive scene with a cell phone light that truly captured me.

26. Side Window Up by ~nsfbr
Great piece of architectural photography, and the standout submission in Joel's gallery.   Complex geometry is simplified by composition.

25. Sacred Geometry by `foureyes
Bernie's China series is just excellent – my favorite photo from the whole bunch, he really knows how to capture and even enhance the spirit of a place.

27 26 25

24. Never forgive me 3 by `temoc
When I first watched this dude, I only knew him as a photomanipulator, but there's nothing this dude cannot do.  Vector art, flash, photograph, he is a true definition of "Deviant of Many Talents" It's great to see his creativity at work in photography.  You MUST read this description, it's fascinating.  He sliced a lamb heart, stitched it with screws, and burned it.  Hardcore, baby.

23. Mourning grandpa by ~denouement
It's actually more difficult taking pictures of the Vietnam Memorial than you might think.  I don't think I'll ever tire of this photograph - it's a true slice of Americana

22.  See description by `jerryhazard
Jerry is simply the best at multiple-exposures.  This tight scene is so stunningly expressive, it'a almost impossible to describe.

This long exposure is interesting because of the various sources of light over this majestic scene over the Bay Bridge…the streaming lights of automobiles across the bridge, the light reflecting from the moon and cascading down to the water, and the backdrop of city lights in the distance.

24 23 22

21. Take Me Away To – Naso by ~naso

20. Anchorage, Alaska by ~tisbone
My favorite IR photograph on DA so far.  Incredible photographer whose Alaska trips have been a very inspirational source of photography throughout his gallery.  His entire gallery is top-notch and well worth a look.

19. Take on the Day by `aquapell
A truly inspiring scene, who wouldn't want to step into this when they leave their home in the morning?

21 20 19

18. DREAMLAND by ~soulm4n
Marco's style of waterscapes was already good before he purchased his wide angle lens.   However, his compositions took a dramatic turn once he started to really play with it.

17. Five no. 3 by `jerryhazard
To me, this is the epitome of a true photographer.  You can't put the camera down.  You can't stop thinking it.  You're just enveloped and even obsessed with it.  In fact, barely anyone has looked at it. :shakefist:

16. Temptation by `hesitation
The interplay between the photographer and model here is readily apparent and obviously brings out the best in each other – and it's resulted in this simple and beautiful piece.

18 17 16

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Favwatch Photography 45-31 v8.5

Journal Entry: Thu Sep 29, 2011, 5:33 AM
  • Mood: Optimism
  • Listening to: Eminem - Love Me (feat. Obie Thrice and 50 Cent)
FAVWATCH PHOTOGRAPHY 45-31 Last updated: March 27, 2012 (1 new overall)

The final favwatch continues.  You can find all of these art pieces in my Favwatch collection.  You can find the complete listing of Favwatches in the shoutboard of my journal.

45. Yield by ~billysphoto
This dude's long exposures and play with light is often otherworldly.  Check out Billy's work, he may be the most underviewed deviant on my entire watch.

44. Deconstruction by ~welder
As an architectural designer and photographer, this grabbed my immediate attention.  One of my favorite pure architectural pieces I've seen on DA.  

43.  Busy Intersection by *simba
You can't get much more brighter than the streets of New York City on Times Square.  It's difficult enough to capture the streetlife in color, but Stephen was able to accomplish this in black and white!  Great series of photos.


45 44 43

42. And Breathe by *JaimeIbarra Jaime's deviations have caused a fashion storm on DA but it's his sensual, seemingly impromptu depiction that I enjoy here.

41. M E M E N T O by `getcarter
Chris's square compositions have become among my favorite to watch.  He has a knack for taking complex geometries and simplifying their presentation for the viewer.

40. In Blood by ~JamesBardolph
Raw.  I'm normally not into most photojournalism around here, but this instantly drew my notice.

42 41 40

39. Another Sad Story by `jerryhazard
Jerry's got a great way of showing devastation among his found objects.

38. Colective Lucio Cesar 01 by ~caio
Caio's been on my watch for almost as long as I've been on DeviantART.  Like so many others, he's come a long way and it's my pleasure to feature him for the first time on my favwatch.  The quality of his professional work is growing in leaps and bounds.

37. Transparency by ~NadavDov
Nadov Dov is another deviant whose photography continually impresses itself on my permanent memory.  His portraiture of humans and the local landscape of Israel are beautiful and lack pretense.

39 38 37

36. Ageless by ~orangebutt
Here, Kamil takes his digital processing a step further and relies on a sepia tone to help accomplish and old feel to what is already a stunning photo.

35. Natural colors by `bosniak
I've come to the conclusion that it's not a matter that DeviantART has too many flower photos - rather the site doesn't have enough of THESE flower photographs.

34. Defiance – Waimea Bay by `IsacGoulart
Timelessly inspiring.


36  35 34

33. Since 1893 by ~Nate-Zeman
Nate Zeman is one of the latest hot flavors in the photography community.  And I mean photography, not DeviantART.  His mountainous landscapes and natural scenery.  Though not captured in the peak of autumn, this turned out to be pretty spectacular.

32. Say What?? by ~ohTHATaaronbrown  Aaron put together such a wonderfully processed portrait, it reminds me of print advertisements from the 50s and 60s.

31. Arpeggio by ~welder
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that ~welder is one of the most underrated and ignored photographers on DeviantART.  Photographs like this show incredible foresight and patience.  His style simply rocks and that is why he has three photographs featured in this portion of my favwatch alone.  

33 32 31

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Favwatch Photography 60-46 v8.5

Journal Entry: Sun Sep 25, 2011, 3:49 PM
  • Mood: Cheerful
  • Listening to: NFL Football in the background
FAVWATCH PHOTOGRAPHY 60-46 Last updated: March 27, 2012 (1 new overall)

Finally, the granddaddy favwatch of them all.  I love photography and I enjoy the various takes on it that people on this site possess.  There are so many great artists who see the world in so many different ways that are truly awe-inspiring.  This particular favwatch has the most turnover as I discover more photography and evolve in my own tastes and judgments.   These are my favorite pieces that I've seen on DeviantART, for their technical expertise, composition, emotional, and metaphorical qualities.   

You can find all of these art pieces in my Favwatch collection.  You can find the complete listing of Favwatches in the shoutboard of my journal.


60 Sliding by ~cenevols
Now THAT is a cast shadow.

59. SN.26 by ~cenevols
Charles is becoming one of my favorite artists on DA and this picture is part of my favorite series by him.  What a great model to work with.

58. Frosted Farmstead by ~CrystalAnnPhotos
Crystal has some of my favorite rural photos on DeviantART, and this picture is my favorite of her rapidly expanding collection.


60 59 58

57. Intrepid Sea Air Space Museum by =sp1te
Now there's an in-your-face panorama if I've ever seen one!

56. The Gold Calls to Us by `limnersphere
Technically, this may be my favorite photo of Chrystyne's.  She's always shown a willing to experiment and show depth of meaning and inference in her images.  And it's always fun talking shop with her. :)

55. Truck by *Sun-Seeker
The highway forms a natural split screen between traffic and the road and the rolling landscape to the left.

57 56 55

54. On the Streets of New York 6 by =Nightline
New York, New York, baby.

53. B A S E by `getcarter
Nice little architectural gem from Chris.

52. Clamdigger by ~Nate-Zeman
I've enjoyed many of his rural depictions and landscapes, but occasionally Nate's wild animal photography really draws me in.  This seems so desolate.

54 53 52

51.Iz Budve by ~godislove
What a neat urban portrait captured at sunset.

50. Time Lapse by ~dEivIDmx
A familiar Dallas landscape transformed into a ghostly monolithic wonder.

49. Dance Away the Blues by ~FreakingMuse
Rae is another photographer who has grown tremendously in her craft, especially in portraiture.  Really glad to be able to watch her progress over the years.  (and re: the pic, okay, what can I say…I'm a leg hound.)

51 50 49

48. Foundry Series 1 by ~MrVERTIGO
The entire "Foundry Series" is worth checking out.  The portrayal of American mine workers is one of several industries this country was founded on, and the blue-collar industrial pride and ethic of these individuals show through.

47. Boys Playing by ~siona
One of the photographers who has jumped leaps and bounds in the last two years in her craft.  My favorite photo in this gallery - pure playful and well-executed fun, would love to know how many takes this took!

46. Smile by ~welder
Great candid piece of heart-warming street photography…finding something to smile about in an upside down, cold world.

48 47 46

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Favwatch Digital Art v8

Journal Entry: Tue Sep 13, 2011, 2:56 PM
  • Mood: Uneasy
  • Listening to: Fade to Blue - .38 Special
FAVWATCH DIGITAL ART, GENERAL Last updated: March 24, 2012 (0 new)

You can find all of these art pieces in my Favwatch collection and the complete listing You can find the complete listing of Favwatches in the shoutboard of my journal.

There's so many more great artists out there, so free to share your favorites in this journal!

15. Thoughts:Nightman by ~isoal
I only recently discovered Sandy and dig her style.  At first glance, I thought this was a traditional  painting until I saw the category!

14. Prepackaged by `minix.
I love art.  I love sarcasm.  And I love them when they're rolled up into one.

13. Muhammad Ali Typeface by ~PhreshSoldier
~PhreshSoldier seems to have a flavor for depicting some of the greatest figure of all time.

15 14 13

12. Carnevale by ~ExitStageLeft
This is one of the biggest hidden gems in my favorites and is an incredible departure from the rest of this deviant's gallery.  The colors make this both majestic and fun.

11.  And Then I Run – ~morphyne
The Maga Daga Dudette got some serious skills.  She was one of my favorite vector arists and I really miss seeing her around.  Unlike other vector artists, she draws from her imagination instead of relying on replication.  She's also quoting my favorite Alter Bridge song, so bonus!

10. Get Down by ~spx
I was exposed to this dude by ~akyra and I became an instant fan.  He uses quick brush strokes to convey motion like few I've seen on DA.  "Get Down" is one intense snapshot, frozen in time.

12 11 10

9. Michael Jordan Typeface by ~PhreshSoldier
I've seen typeface on DA before, but nothing as complicated as this.  It certainly captures the essence of MJ.

8. Environmentalist Ethics by ~deaddays If this cartoonist isn't already pro, I wouldn't be surprised to see him published in the near future.  Ethics is an instant classic that possesses the same bizarre and sadistic humor of cartoons such as Bloom County and Far Side.

7. New Jersey Devils by ~Raskone
This is one of the few Daily Deviations I noticed and actually fav'd it.  This is just straight up fun.

9 8 7

6. Like Nothing on Earth by `ukitakumuki
:drool: Anything Transformers this well done is going to bring the 8-year old boy out of me.

5.  Training to be Spiders by `ukitakumuki
One of the most popular deviants in this place and perusing through his gallery, you can see why.  I love his innate ability to envelop viewers in moments and settings that couldn't possibly be real.

4. Petty Gray with Die by ~dchan
I know, it's anime.

But it's some damn good anime.

Yes, I know what I just said!  Good anime!

No seriously, go look.

I'm not joking.

Go.

6 5 4

3. Trigger Happy by ~holymackeral
Good art makes you say "wow".  Good cartoons make you laugh.  Good editorials make you question.  But a great political cartoon emotes a response.  Anytime people dislike a skilled deviation because of the message you just sent, then you KNOW you're doing something correct.  I wonder what the vote would be now that many more seriously question the validity of the war on Iraq.

2. Little Red COLORS by ~pacman AweSOME.

1. Ehvolution by =Ecstatic-ectsy
Aaron is my favorite young talent.  Great statement piece.  Great artist and huge respect for old-school hip-hop.  You know…back in MY day.

3 2 1

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Favwatch Traditional Art v8.5

Journal Entry: Tue Sep 6, 2011, 2:02 PM
  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: Holocene - Bon Iver
FAVWATCH TRADITIONAL ART Last updated: March 27, 2012 (2 new)
Some of my favorite traditional artists have left, but thankfully several fantastic new ones have taken their place.  This strangely seems to be a greatly underrepresented medium on DA, but then the digital variety has always taken precedence around here.
You can find all of these art pieces in my Favwatch collection and the complete listing of Favwatches in the shoutboard of my journal.

21. Life Tapestry by ~k8lag
This woman's work is beautiful, uplifting and inspirational and "Life Tapestry" is definitely my favorite piece of art in her gallery.


20. D E P A R T U R E by `dholms
I won't pretend to truly understand why I'm drawn to this piece.  There's something truly bizarre and dreamlike about this painting without detaching too far from reality.

19. Roads Through the Sky by ~onlygoodart
I'm a sucker for abstract urbanscapes.

21.:thumb286415515: 20 19

18. Surreal-Gothic by *Deborah-Valentine
You have to love these exquisite corpses.  This familiar reference to a famous painting made me laugh.

17. The Sky Wears Orange Today by *cuddleturtle
Delightful, whimsical, and uplifting.  Just a warm painting to take in.

16. Targa duel by ~klem Klem's auto racing depictions seem to have become more abstract over the years, and I certainly enjoy the shift.  You'll see his work a few more times in this feature.

18 17 16

15. PG.1 by ~cenevols Charles has replaced `jerryhazard as the most prolific artist on my watch.  Mostly known for his photography on DA, his traditional artwork is nothing to sneeze at.  You can observe how his artistic style corresponds across both mediums.

14. PG.2 by ~cenevols One good drawing deserves another!

13. Speedster by ~klem
You need to check out the reflection detail work in this piece.  

15 14 13

12. Sunrise in the Blue City by ~akyra
A vibrant abstract urban piece by my buddy Jim – it's definitely my favorite from his growing and evolving collection.

11. Drag race by ~klem
Seriously, how fun is THIS?

10. Vancouver Rowing Club by `Laurazee
Laura's become one of my favorite people on DA, period, in art and in personality.  Her bright and surreal architecture and urban depictions really capture the atmosphere and essence of each place she portrays.

12  11  10

9. A Minnesota Morning by ~eidolic
Watching this young man's evolution as an artistic talent over the past several years has been no short of awesome.  Check out the intricate detail and color in this piece.

8. Monza 1000km by ~klem
Klemen's fascination with indy car racing shines through in his drawings.  His gallery shows amazing consistency in technique in accuracy, color, shadow, and general atmosphere.

7. Robin Williams 2B by ~henderson
Travis is going to go places and has gotten the attention of many of the stars he has drawn.  Many not only have copies of his work, but have signed his pieces.  Ever see Robin Williams so serious?

9 8 7

6.  KD Aubert by ~henderson
This is the second feature for Travis.  He's become my favorite pencil artist on DeviantART.  His grasp on stroke, weight, and color are amazing and he really brings out the beauty of Aubert here.

5.  Non profit work by ~orudorumagi11 Won Park's creativity with origami, among other outlets, is the best I've seen on DA.  This commissioned piece for a non-profit is my personal favorite in his gallery.

4. Manhattan Bridge by ~donalbain
Alexandra is one of the first deviants I met in this place and I'm glad she's still around.  I don't care what anyone says, traditional art is still more difficult than its digital counterpart.  This pencil drawing of the Manhattan Bridge is stunningly photographic.

6 5 4

3. Pateo de Collegio by ~tamino
Lucio has a wide range of styles and subject matter, but his urban depictions really draw me in.  What an incredible glowing night panorama.

2.  I don't know nothing by ~kle
To me, Kle seems to have taken the works of M.C. Escher and taken them several steps further.  The way he plays with how we see plane and perception is further amplified by the abstract people that seem to further stretch this alternate reality.

1. Metropolis by ~tamino
The more I watch Lucio, the more I become entranced by his work.  I'm most enthused by his urban landscape paintings.  This colorful swirling painting of the Minneapolis skyline was commissioned by his brother.

3 2 1

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Favwatch Photomanipulation v8

Journal Entry: Wed Aug 31, 2011, 11:34 AM
  • Mood: Frustrated
  • Listening to: Touch It (Remix) - Busta Rhymes
By the way, say goodbye to long-time members !onestar and !chilipalmer before they commit deviantSUICIDE tomorrow. :lol: For years, they've both been a real credit to what this place should be about.

FAVWATCH PHOTOMANIPULATIONS: Last updated: August 31, 2011 (3 new)

During my first couple of years on DA, I used to really hate to what I perceived as lack of talent/ability among the photomanipulation artists around here.  So much so, that I took my stab it only discover how much I sucked at it too.  Over the last few years, I've discovered a new batch of high quality photomanip artists who have taken their level of technical and artistic craft to wonderful individual levels.  I don't have many on my watch, but they often take my breath away with their collaged compositions.

You can find all of these manips in my Favwatch collection and the complete listing of Favwatches in the shoutboard of my journal.  Hope you enjoy!

17. Cottage in the Mountains - by ~EmilyKPhotography
Emily is one of my long-time watchers and I finally gotten around to adding her.  Her photomanips are my favorite, I'm looking forward to seeing her continue to develop her sense of composition.

16. Missing You - by *anapt Simon uses an atypical color scheme combined with his often used bodily distortion for a soulful manipulation.

17 16

15. Choose Your Own Path by ~UrbanCinderella
This bright and spunky young lady has become one of my favorite photomanip artists on DeviantART.  Her distinct take on manipulation breathes meaning into every submission she enters.

14.  My Dying Love - by `exorist
I know it sounds weird to say this about a skull holding a rose in it's mouth, but this is very beautiful.  What tends to be lacking in many photomanip's artist's work is metaphor - instead most seem to manip for manip's sake.  Here Dean combines death, life, and even the artificial life of machinery into something that will cause you to simply stare at it for several minutes.

13. We're Not in Kansas Anymore - by =mskate
My favorite piece by Kate in awhile, talk about calm in the middle of a storm.  Embrace the chaos.

15 14 13

12. Primary Life Pt1- Good Morning by =Ecstatic-ectsy
Aaron's certainly one of my favorite young talents here on DA.  This is a nice, fun, quirky manip.

11. LOVE - by =mskate
Kate dips her paintbrush into a cheerful template for a bright and infectiously happy compilation.

10 Outbound - by ~Black-Red-Escape
The apocalypse never looked so beautiful.

12 11 11

9.  Down by the River - by ~nemmy -
When Carol left DA, she erased some of my favorite photomanip pieces.  Since her return, she's contributed to my devwatch with some killer work.  This is a fantastic piece of art and graphic design - her compositional skills haven't declined an iota during the time she was away.


8.  Smile for the Camera - by ~mossy-666
Andrew was one of the first deviants I ever met on DA.  He left for awhile and came back with a style of photo manipulation that were better than ever.  I like this deviation for it's photographic quality as well as artistic merit.

7. Can-D - by *anapt - What a style Simon has developed throughout his gallery.  Abstract, surreal, and loaded with meaning.  This is my favorite from his expansive DA gallery.

9 8 7

6. Apartment Sale - by ~ljo
Laurie has come such a long way with her artwork since I first met her – this piece I the best executed piece of work I've seen online in years.  What a fun composition!  I see new things every time I look at it.

5. The Rise of a Planet - by `taenaron
Holy crap.  The finest and most powerful combination of photography and 3D rendering I've seen in this place so far.

4. A Woman's World? - by =mskate
My words would really do this piece injustice, so just read it.

6 5 4

3. Funeral Rites - by ~ihatemonday
What I appreciated about this dude when I first stumbled across him is that the art of his photomanips supersedes any technique or stock used within it and therein lies the success of the very best manipulations.  Here he skillfully plays with exaggerated scale to draw human emotion into a very tangible scene.

2. Before the Dawn - by ~ihatemonday
~ihatemonday clearly has a fascination with translating ideas of death and the afterlife into his photomanipulations.  This is a great dark, eerie, and spiritual piece that reads photographically.

1. Mecha Dream - by `temoc

A perfect blend human expression with a kit of inhumane parts help pull off what I'd best term as "shock value".  Very disturbing, very fun, and my favorite photomanip on DA.

3 2 1

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Ahhhhhhhhhhh shit.

Journal Entry: Thu Jun 23, 2011, 10:51 PM
  • Mood: Dumbfounded
  • Listening to: Welcome - Outhouse
About four years ago, I took a short one-day break to trip to the state zoo in Asheboro - about a 75 minute drive.  I threw on a maroon and white t-shirt bearing my alma mater's name, Texas A&M, and packed some camera gear.  After a full day at the zoo, I encountered a married couple, approximately ten years my senior, as I exited into the parking lot.  Like me, they're also black.  This context is important in how we met, and why they approached me - the university is 5% African-American and well...it's had a past history of being realllllly backwards.

"Are you an Aggie?  We don't get a chance to see many of us, especially in Carolina, so we had to ask!"  

We got along great and chatted for a good hour in the parking lot.  It turns out they both went to A&M about a decade before I did and lived in Texas before moving to Carolina and settling in the city adjacent mine.  When they learned I practiced architecture, the couple glanced at each other in excitement, then stated one of their children wanted to become an architect.  We kept in touch via e-mail and eventually Facebook.  A month or so later, their 12-year old son contacted me with a school permission form to shadow me at my architectural office for their "Day At Work".

A week after that, the boy's father dropped him off and our entire office basically adopted him for the day.  He studiously took notes, asked a bunch of interview questions, and we challenged him with some fun assignments so he wouldn't get bored.  He was smiles all day, and frankly, it gave us enjoyment to have him around.

Several weeks later, I was invited to the family's house for a good ol' fashioned Texas barbecue (which was deliissssh).  Around this time - late 2007 / early 2008, my name was beginning to gain local recognition as a photographer.  The parents asked me to bring some of my framed my photos to their home.  In between barbecue and getting my ass kicked by the boy in Nintendo Wii, he kept pausing to look at the photos sitting propped against the wall.  

It was wonderful to gain new friendships and the boy was a trip.  We pledged to keep in close touch and hang out often.  Though we kept on touch on the internet, that never actually happened and life moved on at a rapid pace.  Between beginning my architectural license exams, working in architecture, and choosing to see where this photography thing was going, I kept pretty busy.  In 2008, we merged with a larger architectural office.  In the spring of 2009, in the middle of my examinations that office went out of business.  The economy was AWFUL.  Hell, still is.

What in the world was I going to do?  There were no architectural jobs anywhere.  So I was like..."Well, let's look for photography too."  In June 2009, I interviewed with a local photographer who was hiring an assistant.  He perused my work on his laptop and informed me, "I'm going to be honest with you, with your talent I'd love to have you but I'm not going to hire you..." he continued as I stared ahead unsure how to respond, "because I think you can do your own thing."

With my finances dwindling fast, I'm thinking, Okay THAT'S WAY NOT HELPING ME OUT AT ALL.  Also, I didn't feel ready or capable of being a professional photographer.  By MYSELF.  I mean, REALLY?  I just learned how to use this bloody thing.   It turned out my old architectural office closing its doors and this dude refusing to hire me was the best thing that could've happened to me.  Over the next month, I performed some market studies, made critical evaluation of my own work, and in July 2009 - almost two years ago, took the plunge.  I wouldn't hesitate no matter what my credentials were or - I became a professional freelance photographer.

Oh, what an apprehensive time that was.  Because it's one thing when friends are like, "You're good."  Or you submit your pictures online and deviants are like, "OMG! +FAV!"  It's one thing when you're entering art shows and win an award here and there.  It's another to say, "Yeah, I'm a professional now because I taught myself how to use this thing - why don't you pay me?"  Yes - I was being nudged by mentor photographers in Georgia and North Carolina to move forward, but you still sense this familial bias.

Later that year my art - and my writing - caught the attention of a new magazine based out of North Carolina.  I placed 5th out of 12,000 artists in the entire state in a mag cover competition.  And contrary to the doubting voice in my head, I was never questioned by established photographers who may have been classically trained in the medium.  So when these established professionals started saying "No seriously dude, you're good", there was a sense of validation and I haven't questioned it since.  Over the next 12 months, that magazine offered me a position as a contributing columnist.  I was awarded a state artist grant, which I plopped money down to get a tilt-shift lens.  I had my first four solo photography shows which were very well attended and received in addition to the 18 shows my work was juried into in North Carolina, South Carolina, and Georgia.  My name and reputation were growing not as an architect - but as a photographer.

Funny thing is the people who supported me the most knew this was coming.   I was - still am - the most surprised out of anyone that I'd go down this road.  And those who know everything - through depression, through debilitating physical illness, through barely able making it financially through grad school, through a dramatic and notoriously dumb psycho ex - who KNEW me, who KNEW the hellacious struggles I experienced to get to where I am now - were fully behind me.  

Fast-forward to 2011 (I'm going somewhere with all of this, trust me).  My network of friends and associates in this area were always significant, but nothing as expansive as it is now.  My name is out there in a way that it never was before, almost independent of whom I am as a person.   I've learned to simply say "thank you" when paid a compliment, and have become mature enough not to shirk from the associated pressure of high expectations due to my 'talent'.  I've learned to overcome introversion and shyness - which one just can't get RID of - to put myself out there and lose fear of the consequences of doing that.  I can actually say "I'm a professional photographer" with a straight face and realize I'm not going to get laughed at - they're actually going to take me seriously.  The university I went to graduate school has brought me back a few times on professional discussion panels to benefit current students.  In the past few weeks, I've had the experience of being a guest critic to college students during their final presentations, pretending to an expert at what I'm talking about.   To go through the hardships and experience THIS - I'm humbled to be where I am, thankful I get to do this, and am proud of what I've personally plowed through just to get to this point.  I'm nowhere close to where I eventually strive to be, but I'm working my ass off to get there; it's a start, nothing more.  It's a personally exciting and rewarding, albeit roller-coasting time.

I dropped by a friend's office - a former co-worker who is now both a colleague and a client.  The boy who visited our old architectural office is now 16  - SIXTEEN -  e-mailed me about an hour earlier.  He's been attending the local university's "Design Camp" for the past two years as a high-schooler.  Though unable to attend the openings, the boy's mother has escorted him to a few of my shows.  Well, turns out he's picked up a camera.  He's shooting architecture.  And urban environments.  And abstracts.  And skateboarders.  And his little sister.  Off for the summer, he wants to tag along on what he called my "photo expeditions".

My friend laughed and was like, "You know what that means, right?"

"Just...don't say it," my mouth curled into a grimacing smirk.  Of course I knew.

"He's really looking up to you."

Silence ensued as this wave of - I don't know what you call it - not exactly a sense of responsibility or wave of realization - but the same feeling you get if you had butterflies in your stomach, then a midget walked up to you and rabbit-punched you straight in the gonads.  I immediately recalled the Charles Barkley's Nike commercial from the early 90's (if you don't know what I'm talking about, look it up, kid).  As an adult, especially if you don't have children of your own,  you're cognizant of the impact you can make on any child at any time, but many times it just doesn't register as real.  And it's different than the responsibility for your own child.  Or your younger siblings, nephew or niece.  This was ONE chance meeting.  ONE day with ONE kid and four years later, some gangly teenager sends an e-mail and you're like...HOLY CRAP.

I crossed my arms and gave way to a small chuckle in as much resignation as there was begrudging acceptance.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh shit."

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Favwatch, 3D Renders

Journal Entry: Sat Aug 14, 2010, 8:18 AM
  • Mood: Enjoying The Show
  • Listening to: Keith Murray - Incredible (feat. LL Cool J)
FAVWATCH 3D RENDERS Last updated: August 14, 2010 (1 new)
I actually don't watch too many 3D digital artists, but have been impressed with the diversity of creativity that the artists on DA here have put on display.  Spectacular stuff!

You can find all of these art pieces in my Favwatch collection and the complete listing of Favwatches in the shoutboard of my journal.

15. End of Days by `taenaron
So…question...what is it with you digital artists and the end of the world anyway?

14. Chaos Theory by `Hameed
Hameed's space scenes have gained him much well-deserved attention, but this astonishing piece towers above all of his other creative works.  Toned in all blue, this rendering of galactic fireworks is enough to make anyone go "Wow".

13. Collab - Winter Wonderland by `alyn and ~environaut
Sweet collaboration between these two.  Energetic beams of light penetrate the great depth of negative space really gives ths composition the spark that takes it from a neat rendering to a piece of art.

15 14 13

12.   Grand Canyon Panorama by ~johnwarren
Holy shit.

11. Parts of Infinity by `taenaron
Simply epic.

10. Aquaticore by `niteangel
Splices of white energy streams from one of Niteangel's futuristic mechanical and urbanistic creations.  The calming aquatic blues temper this piece and provide a perfect background, seemingly to freeze this energy in a single moment.  What I like about this particular piece is how it goes out into the invisible beyond, refusing to be contained by the canvas border...very typical of his work.

12 11 10

9. Symphonic by +ekud
In this compostion, a perfect tone is struck between abstract and reality - something typical in his submissions, but not as resoundedly as this.  What really makes this different is the play between light and shadow - the copper-toned beast emerges from the shadow, revealing it's metallic surfaces.

8. Takara by ~viremaster
I just came across this young talent's work in the last couple of months.  His willingness to push the envelope in his compositions and toying with scale has resulted in some neat stuff such as this origami-like deviation.

7. Testament by `niteangel
Okay, so Niteangel pretty much dominates this particular countdown – he's featured four times so sue me, it's not intentional.  The integration of biblical text just takes this to a dynamic and unsurpassed level of meaning.

9 87

6. Cosmic Daylight by `dinyctis
What makes this scene so surreal is the impossibility of it, yet the detail is so intense and wonderful that it takes on a very real dimension.  This composition combines several real items (the earth, satellite, gaseous planet, appearing sun, and meteor cluster) to create a very surreal imaginative picture that just leaves you gawking.  The addition of lens flares only adds to the dual nature of this picture, making it seem like this was a photograph from some observatory ship.

5. Recticore by `niteangel
As an architectural designer, I really enjoyed this piece of futurama.  Often known for his abstract manipulations of form and light, this piece dances happily between scientific fantasy and reality.  The depth-of-field also completes the surreal nature of its construction.

4. Node by `niteangel
Similar in nature to Aquaticore, but instead the beams of energy seem to be coming from from invisible centrifuge that is spinning these rays of light.  The copper-tone hues in this piece are simply dazzling.  As usual, she shows great typography skills, using text as a visual element, not just simply as something utiliteraian.

6 5 4

3.   INDUSTRIAL OCTANE by +ekud
I've been trying to avoid the term "matrix" this entire devwatch, for obvious reasons, but I can't avoid it here.   How impressive is this?  (for the record, I like the blue wallpaper better than the orange)....this series of robotic machines seem to live a life of their own, devouring everything in front of it, and consuming the entire canvas as it emerges from the dark depths reaches out towards the viewer.

2. Dreamers by `alyn
The title says it all, I could stare at this for days.

1. I Live in a Box by ~sbv20
This is a very popular deviation and you can easily see why.  The very notion of replicating your room and sticking it inside a cardboard box, and creating a clean white three-dimensional IMAGE out of is pure genius.  See, thinking inside the box isn't bad at all. ;)

3 2 1

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  • Mood: Triumph
  • Listening to: Snoop Dogg - Bitch Please (feat. Xzibit)
Every personality test I've taken from childhood between one week ago have come out as one of two things: INFP or INFJ.  Introverted Intuitive Feeling that is borderline Judging / Perceiving.

It's no secret about my introversion.  My struggles with "popularity" and everything attached to it has been well chronicled by pretty much anyone who has encountered me.  I'd rather do than talk about what I'm doing.  I'd rather write about what's in my head (like this) than verbalize it; and if I do say it out loud, it's taken a lot to get me to that point.  I'll listen to you ad nauseum before throwing my two cents in.  I have many more questions than answers.  I've always been passive in marketing myself, relying on people seeing my work, making their own judgment, and spreading it around rather than besieging others informing how good I think I am.  Alpha personalities annoy the shit out of me.  Over a decade ago, as a snot-nosed kid in my early 20s I fell into a depression and dropped off the map because I struggled with attention I didn't think I deserve.  The necessities of the past five or six years is what has propelled my fortunes to where I am now.  Being forced to come out swinging and roaring when I had very little desire to do so, stabled by the belief of doing the right thing and reinforced by the people in my life well behind me, I gained the fortitude needed to do what was necessary; if not for my own sake, then for the sake of others.  Having seen way too many times what a vacuum of egocentricity and feelings of entitlement can do to any individual, I began to stop punishing myself, not throwing away what I felt I didn't deserve and just rolled with it.

Learning how to nod, smile, and simply accept a compliment without torturing myself is the biggest obstacle I've had to overcome in the last 16 years.  I'm not going to pretend I'm completely there yet...if I truly ever get there, because the anxieties and apprehensions are always going to reside within me.  I wouldn't be in this position were it not for the incredible network of support from family, friends, and peers who pushed me back into a spotlight I never sought.  I had to learn that simply receiving attention and being a self-serving idiot like Kanye West were two separate things.  That because the popular kids in high school were asses didn't mean they had to choose to be that superficial.  That as an unprepared college kid, overwhelmed with popularity, recognized for talent I didn't think I have, and beliefs I didn't think were very important, that it didn't mean overnight I turned into someone I was not.

I've learned how do to my thing and roll with it, regardless of what I or anyone else perceives.  Those that seek to harm the people in my life will, without hesitation, get their ass kicked in.  Like I said before, it's taken a long ass time to get here and I'm not walking away this time around.  I've been given the support and tools to accomplish things I never imagined I would.  I've received blessings that I really don't deserve, but am forever thankful for the gifts given.

I'm under 40, which in most circles means you've barely gotten started.  So no matter the future successes or failures I experience, I'm not going anywhere.  Know that you too, no matter the challenges thrown at you, no matter the self-serving idiocy of others, no matter of the demons you have to struggle with in your OWN head, that you have that EXACT same capability.  The potential you have is ENORMOUS, so get out there and don't let another person's cowardice ever bring you down.

Favwatch Lit v8.5

Journal Entry: Tue Aug 4, 2009, 10:30 AM
That's right, it's the return of the Favwatch in all of its journal-spamming glory!  For those unfamiliar with my favwatch, it's basically my "favorites of my favorites".  These are the existing submissions that are nearest and dearest to me that I've personally stumbled across on DeviantART in various mediums over the last 6+ years.  Hopefully you'll find some work you like as well!

As per usual, I begin with writing because I consider it one of the most difficult things imaginable.  To write and have the guts to share it, whether fiction or non-fiction, is a true leap and those that do it on a regular basis garner my utmost respect.  Relatively to other disciplines, I watch very few writers but am fortunate to follow those I get to read.

*You can find all these writing in my Favwatch collection and the complete listing of Favwatches in the shoutboard of my journal.  Hope you enjoy!


FAVWATCH LITERATURE Last updated:  March 24, 2012 (0 new)


14. Artificial - poem by ~myrth - Mollie was one of my favorite writers and seemed infatuated with titling all of her poems with a singular word.  The alliteration in this piece allows her natural sarcasm seems to stutter, sputter, and spit condescension.

13. RSWBAV Pinncale of Passion - prose by `triptychr - Oh Tim, this is soooo awkward. :lol:


12. Defense Mechanism - poetry by ~so-kind - My favorite piece by Eliza - a short stomach-churning, gut-grinding piece that achieves just enough separation to etch into your brain.

11.  22-23-22 - prose by `triptychr - Simple.  Potent.  Read it.  'Nuff said.

10. The Chicken of the Egg - prose by ~sessisie - 99% of anything Dr. Willie Maartens submits is way over my head.  Thankfully, he brought down his language and humor to a level I could understand!

9. The Drawing Room - prose by !lordstench - This stellar young man takes the common subject matter of age and slightly twists in a way that pervades the soul with true sadness.

8.  When Sparks Fly - prose by ~xonlyindreamsx - Having grown up in the quasi-city doldrums of suburbia, this gritty prose strikes a chord.  The rhythm that controls this piece is pure dynamite.

7. IV Mazewalking – poem by ~jl - Oliver is one of the most skilled and finely tuned writers I've had the fortune of meeting on DeviantART.  This poem is part four of a series of six introspective writings.  Though seemingly part of a personal conversation the reader can really and grasp the fine line between normalcy and insanity, driven by how one can be affected by personal circumstances.

6. Fate - prose by ~barnabus  - One of the most popular and funny writers on DeviantART has amazing consistency in his work and is quite the playwright.  He's definitely unafraid to break taboo to make a poignant point and hits payload here.  

5. April Fools – prose by `triptychr - Timely written when the war with Iraq first began...it's the personally most funny piece I've read on DA.

4. II Monday Morning, Therapy One - poem by ~jl -  One thing I've always admired about Oliver is how he uses subtle shifts in writings style across pieces, and the "Asylum Love Songs" collection is a brilliant example.  To me, this carries such a mythical and mystical feel to it.

3.  Bravery and a Sleepy Heart - prose by ~xonlyindreamsx - Christina describes this as a story about childhood cancer and cardiac complications.  Very, very touching.

2. White Lie - poem by ~fallacies (now ~evad ) – If I had to pick the most personally influential poem on DA, this is it.  This really touched me and possesses a simple raw honesty and emotion I dearly enjoyed in Dave's works.

1. A Walk with Destiny - prose by `rebelchic - Really glad Heather resubmitted this, simply one of my favorite pieces to be ever submitted on DeviantART.  Let's hope she never takes it down again.

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  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: Chances - Five For Fighting
  • Mood: Content
  • Listening to: Shut 'em Down Remix - Public Enemy w/P. Rock
The reason for the season

June 2007

My first inclination with blatant and inconsiderate stupidity is cut if off and ignore it.  But when it purposely and consistently chooses to jump out in front of me and needlessly drag others in, I'll eventually figure a way to give it a Nike square in the ass.  Last June, I was having dinner with my former roommate, who had been familiar with my situation during its entirety.  She first asked about my best friend's safety, also a mutual friend, then asked how I was dealing.  15 months earlier I had expressed concern to my friend that the personality traits on display was potentially foretelling of a similar scenario to this.  Nobody in his or her right mind wants to be accurate in predicting something like this,  but I was going to damn well try head it off at the pass.  I failed miserably.  With a similar psychotic experience already under her belt, my friend patiently listened, chortling occasionally while I ranted.

"You know what?" I griped while stabbing at my pasta dish with a fork.  "I don't mind handling one dumbfuck.  That's fine, that I can do.  But now I'm dealing with twice the stupidity, twice the risk - what is there a 2-for-1  sale going on?  If there's anything worse than one dumbfuck, it's having two of those motherfuckers work together.  Two dumbfucks at the same time, are you fucking kidding me?"

In the last seven years, I've personally witnessed the damage that can be done when individuals only perceive events within the framework of their own repercussion and that even then, they'll figure a way to blame someone else.  The drama can make for a fine novel and win 6 Golden Globes, but it's a real microcosm of what we all do, inherent within our human nature.  For some, this trait is pretty extreme and much more than a temporary state of mind, likewise the repercussions are equally awful and far-reaching.  We have a quagmire of a war that was justified by 935 false statements - I'm pretty sure that wasn't accomplished with peace, love, and understanding. While cruising through the sports pages, I was reading the article Game Of Denial Not Working For Clemens.  I thought I was going to read juicy gossip about baseball and congressional hearings and instead found a fantastic and succinct synopsis about us.

"…when the poop hits the ventilator, the human reaction isn't to reenact a scene from a detective show and confess with either tearful remorse or angry defiance - "You're right! I shot him, strangled him, drowned him, decapitated him, put him through a woodchipper and fed the scraps to the hogs. And I'd do it again, but next time I won't be that nice!" The impulse is to lie, lie and lie some more."

The article itself contains more morsels within it and is a fairly convincing read.  I've done it, you've done it, we've all done it.  In December, I alluded to a situation that I'll eventually detail practically uncensored, as I've been concentrating on more behind-the-scenes.  This situation has had police and legal involvement and whether there will be more isn't up to me.  To be real, catching up on half of this bullshit before forwarding it to the appropriate parties who will likely just forward it to more parties totally grates my nerves and is very tiring.  From there, it will be decided what the best course of action and preparedness is.  Don't know yet what that is, but it's evident that continued nonsensical outbursts of random idiocy over an incredibly long span of time is only symptom of a much larger problem.  Further, it has only illustrated an inability to let it be and proved the irrelevancy of reaction or inaction.

The horseshit being slung and whomever is silly enough to swallow it is none of my business or of my interest.  However, the actions based on these lies is unquestionably a grave problem, so I'm forcing myself to thoroughly dissect information I wasn't paying attention to in the first place.   I'm just getting to December '07, which like everything else, I didn't have time to pay attention to when it was happening.  I'm fairly confident it'll be as equally entertaining as everything before it.  If the impact wasn't so wide or didn't affect so many innocent people who have been harassed and/or bullied for absolutely no reason, I'd be accepting these false accusations with the same humor and dismiss it like most other things I find ironic.  This discovery process has been very slowly underway for quite some time and any additional person found facilitating or directly assisting these two individuals (whether well-meaning friend, administrator of any website, or simply a casual observer) in any activity eventually deemed criminal, I cannot help them – the effect is the same and must be dealt with accordingly.

And when I can be 100% assured this is over, I'm going to freely discuss it in a much more acute way than I am now – because quite frankly, I can.  The only comfort that I can take in this mayhem is that some people are already taking the mistakes I made, flaws in my own personality, and lessons that I've learned in applying them to their own screwed up circumstances.  As I've become more open about it, I'm amazed to learn how commonplace this is and how crafty and underhanded it's all becoming.  And if it's not 100% over, then I must assume my responsibility and ensure that the legal repercussions are exacted to the severest extent.  It's becoming quite evident I made a huge mistake in not keeping up-to-date.

Thank yous

Thank you very much everyone for your birthday wishes, it was the best day I could've ever asked for.  For those of you who have wondered what's happened to Fuck Valentine's Day, it's not for lack of ideas, but lack of time; it will eventually return for at least another year.  I've seriously just had way too much fish to fry and many things are on the back burner. But eventually I'll get to them including self-publishing, redesigning and adding content to my website and other creative outlets I'm pursuing.

Lastly, I recently crossed the threshold of 20,000 favorites for my DeviantART gallery.  I know we don't do it for that, but lemme tell you something, as those who have been there from the beginning would also tell you - never in a million years did I imagine I'd receive this level of attention or even still be around this joint.  I'm very grateful for your continued support and appreciation, even if I have to curb my interactivity for an extended period. I wouldn't have become a photographer without this place or step out the way that I have without you and consciously choose not to forget such things. Thanks y'all. :nod::heart:
  • Mood: Love
  • Listening to: Saves the Day - Atmosphere
blah blah blah

Warning: Uncharacteristic mush below

I woke up this morning and took an odd look around my bedroom.  I found it strange I didn't feel irritated, bothered, or just downright pissed off.  Truth is, I was contemplative and felt pretty damn lucky.  It's an understatement to say that 2007 has been an eventful year, both personally rewarding and reinforcing.  What made it that way had little to do with me, but everything to do with the people in my life.  

I worry a lot about the safety and welfare of those close to me and the events of the past two years has unfortunately given me good reason to feel more so.  You hear about the most idiotic and hurtful events on the news and you wonder what hateful little seed in a person's mind could've spawned such destruction, only to discover months later that all of the warnings signs in plain view were ignored, because surely – it's just going to go away, right?  I never imagined the documentation I've kept over the last five years would ever have to be used for any other situation, but now I feel lucky it exists.  With every crossed boundary, "if" became "it's just a matter of time" - it couldn't be ignored anymore and there was little question what was necessary; in fact, it was something I almost never do -

- instead of keeping it inside and trapped in my body, I asked for help.  I already lost 30 pounds and my appendix so keeping quiet wasn't an attractive alternative. After surgery, I started relying on others - for once.  And Kate - thank you.

Anyone who knows me well knows how hard I am on myself and how quick I often am to accept blame.  My best friend gets on me about it, particularly with this situation that carelessly tossed her in potential harms' way – and so she has earned the right more than anyone to pass appropriate judgment.  Wise beyond her years, she recognized the facts for what they were and accurately labeled the people responsible quite demented; she assured me that a restraining order was indeed in place, futilely telling me not to worry about her ex-boyfriend - she was actually worried about my family with my situation.  Then she told me to tell my girlfriend at the time not to let these people get her goad.  Don't get me wrong, she was mad at me too and my own irresponsibility; but I couldn't believe how quickly my best friend figured the scenario without a word from me.  In hearing the stern resolve in her voice, it was then I knew it was just a matter of time before we figured a way to end these people's games.  I'm fairly certain potential litigation closed this particular avenue of threats, at least for now.

Attempting to intimidate me through harassing anyone related to me, or putting them in possible danger is pretty much as low as it gets.  I consider this life precious and seeing two of them endangered in such a short span was pretty nervewracking.  So I called the police in three different jurisdictions and queried about my real options; I sought the necessary legal counsel, sinking money and time I really would've preferred to invest elsewhere.   My family is worried, of course – I now have relatives I hadn't previously spoken to in over 15 years calling every week just to check in.  My employer and co-workers, all of whom I am fortunate to share close relationships with, gave me their full support and assistance.  I consulted with my best buddy from college, a well-traveled networking geek, who passed on some brilliant advice from his peers, some which had similar experiences.  I immediately privatized my MySpace page and posted a journal and bulletin summarizing what was happening, detailing the potential risk, and some of the measures I'd be taking.  I understood if they would feel it necessary to disassociate with me on the internet, but was kinda thankful nobody did; then again, some of those people I've known my entire life.  The people I was smart enough to loop in five years ago suddenly had something in common with the ones today that I'm unsure were given any real choice because of their association with me.  I feel awful about that.

In the whirlwind of chaos and forcing myself to deal with the aftermath of my mistakes, I noticed something.  Though we're states away, I haven't been closer with my family than I am right now.  There was little question that the people I grew up with Jersey all had my back.  The Texas crew were wonderful and a couple people I hadn't even talked with in about a decade contacted me asking if they could help out.  My friends right here in North Carolina were steamed about it more than I was.  Even clients and peers I didn't even know that well were giving me their best wishes.  Everyone from every walk of life had my back.  Without any real expectation, ranks were quickly and determinately closed.   I didn't feel like I deserved any of this outpouring of affection - I mean, they're at risk just for simply KNOWING me and for MY misjudgments.  In my own discovery process, I am not the first person to experience this sort of thing, nor will I be the last.  It's been called a lot of things – scary, illogical, demented, crazy, insane.  I forced myself to step back a bit and simply call it publishable.  Eventually I'll talk about everything, start to finish - but today is nowhere near that day.

Having a real blast here in North Carolina.  A few nights ago, my best friend chuckled in observation, "I remember you used to hate Raleigh." She knows me better than anyone else and as always, hit the nail on the head.  I was miserable here in my first duration, but since I moved back in 2005 have found it quite enjoyable enough to finally call it my home.  I've learned a lot from my mistakes, especially handling people who really don't seem to care who they hurt and for what flimsy reason.  This situation really brought home to me how loving, caring, protective, and fiercely loyal the people who have graced me really are.  Heck, I didn't realize how many friends I actually had until recently.  I truly could not ask for any better – I really can't.  I am so lucky.  And humbled.  And overwhelmed.  And thankful.

I became a member of DeviantART almost five years ago.  There's an entire crew of good friends, whom I trust completely, that were members of DA before I ever joined - like many other deviants, it's why I joined.  Sure, why not give it a try?  And man, I didn't know what to expect.  I didn't expect to take such joy by being exposed to and influenced by so many great artists, designers, and writers.  Say what you want about the general populace, but there is some real hidden talent here.   I didn't know people would react to anything I submitted here or how widespread it would be.  I didn't know you'd take me so seriously or encourage me to become a photographer slowly and steadily making a local name for himself.  I didn't know I'd get to hang out with you, go on road trips with you, shoot photos with you, shake your hand, give you a hug, commiserate with you about our architectural license exams, or offer congratulations at your wedding.  Different cultures, countries, backgrounds, experiences - I mean how kickass is that.  Several of you turned out to be some pretty damn good friends.  Who the hell would've expected that?  I sure didn't – but I'm grateful.

I don't feel sorry for myself about all of this and never did, but do admit worry about those in my life.  Folks – your life is only as good as the decisions you make and your experience on here on DeviantART is only as good as we make it.  When it comes down to it, DA is only a website – it is a shell.  Though we appreciate their tireless effort to keep this place running, the community is not the administration, or the forums, or chat, or our often meaningless banter.  It is not +spyed, °jark, or whomever - it is you.  Choose the people you associate with wisely and make your experience here actually count for something.  

I've always felt that true friends aren't fickle – they stick around.  It's one thing to talk, but another thing to do.  And I'm really lucky to have people in my life who have stuck with me everywhere I go, no matter my triumphs or inglorious mistakes.  I feel the exact same about them.  Trust me, without these people, I think I'd have cracked up a long time ago from the sheer insanity I've witnessed.  Those in my immediate vicinity can tell you I was starting to get there. My people have proven that love without any loyalty are well...just words.

So to you, members of DeviantART – I truly thank you.  I wouldn't have progressed this quickly without you and I hope I've been able to give back a tiny bit.  I'm really excited and happy with the way things are going.  So to 2008 and beyond - cheers and the best to you.
  • Mood: Triumph
  • Listening to: Worst comes to Worst - Dilated Peoples
I placed myself in a situation where I learned that yelling at snakes aren't going to make them slither away, you've got to roll up your sleeves, get your hands dirty and root them out.  I used to simply react in solitude and keep things to myself, because I thought there was no other way to do things.  Now backed up by an army of eyes to witness and hands to help, I know much better now.  I guess it just shows that if someone is deluded enough to think an army is coming after them, they're going to get exactly that.  Hatred has a way of underestimating love and loyalty and will only go so far until it runs smack into an unpenetrable wall of common sense.

Many times we don't realize what we have inside of us and how much we can actually bear until we experience it for ourselves.  I think people make two general bottom-line choices when that happens - a) we feel sorry for ourselves, make up excuses and/or false stories to paint ourselves as martyrs, and pretty much blame everyone but our ownselves for what we do or experience or b) work our ass off to the point emotionally and mentally where we need to be, no matter how much hard work and dedication it takes - and remember that we must rely on others along the way - it can be God, it can be your family, it can be your friends - but you DO get to the point where you're exactly where you need to be, and just as importantly, you know it when you're there.  A friend of mine jocularly referred it as "seeing the Matrix".

I consider the first to be a dumb and short-sighted solution, so I chose the latter; sometimes you think it's not worth it along the way, but in the end, it always is.  I'm currently at a high concentration and combination of unrelentless energy, motivation and pure drive.  But I couldn't manage it without everyone behind me that knows without hesitation I'll always be standing behind them; its something I'll always be grateful for.  You back someone so that they, in turn, can back someone else up and that, my friends, is freedom nobody can ever take away from you.

On another note, ~ProsePetals is one of the funniest and most sarcastic people whom I've gotten to know and can truly call a dear and loved friend.  She won't realize it until finally reading this journal entry, but she suggested something I immediately reacted with total disinterest and since have changed my mind.  Over the next couple of years, deviants will be seeing even less prose submissions from me, but not because I'm not writing - I'm finally aiming to get my words into print form. :boogie:

So to my peoples in America, enjoy your evening this July 4th.  To everyone else in the world, enjoy the hell out of today, because the moment is all we're ever guaranteed.